My boyfriend bought a gorgeous pearl white Vespa this weekend which has left me in a green fit of envy. At first, I took every opportunity to poke fun at what I thought was the most ridiclous purchase he had ever made, that is, until he filled his gas tank for 5 bucks while I shelled out a cool 30 for my tiny Nissan Sentra. Now I’m singing a different tune that goes a little something like this: I want one. Still, Orlando is the very last place one would want to drive a Vespa in. As Orlando continues to sprawl out in erratic and disorganized directions, its roads become increasingly dangerous every year. Road rage, speeding, cell phone use and general carelessness are turning Central Florida into one of the nation’s deadliest places to drive in. This isn’t exactly reassuring information when my boyfriend is driving around in a scooter while tired, overweight, red-faced soccer moms weave in between traffic in their excessively enormous SUVs (show me a stay-at-home parent who actually requires 4×4 off-road action in Florida’s sea level terrain and I will give you my left ovary).

Despite my crippling fear of losing a loved one to an automobile accident, I’m determined to buy a Vespa for its fuel efficiency and manuverability (I consider the condescending stares I’ll get from smug F150 douchbags a bonus!). In order to kick-start my purchase, I’m listing a few new and used items on ebay (one of which will include my Japanese Schoolgirl Outfit that I wore for Halloween). Mainly I want to list some items that have been hanging in my closet for some time and I’m pretty much tired of looking at them. I have really great taste in stuff, so do yourself a favor and check out my auctions you’ll be glad you did. In retrospect, I guess I shouldn’t have bought so much stationary….you can’t ride stationary around town. Bummer.