Asshole college parties are usually comprised of a specific stereotype (Slackers, Hipsters, Gamerz etc) and are easy to identify because no one will greet you, attempt to introduce themselves or offer you refreshments.
I remember going to an asshole college party around the time that I had transferred to a private university. My friend’s invitation seemed innocent enough but only because I didn’t recognize the clear signs that I would probably not enjoy myself:
- I knew no one at the party
- I no longer went to the same university
To them, I was an outsider on so many levels. Still, I went, hopeful to cross this silly divide between private and state universities (which, in my case, is a vast expanse of animosity for no good reason) and eager to make new friends.
The presence of a potato cannon should have been the clearest sign that it was time to leave. I held out. Standing in a circle among strangers, I attempted to particpate in the conversation following the potato’s launch into the apartment complex’s parking lot.
“I hope your neighbors enjoy mashed potato,” I remarked. Weak, I admit but a well-intended quip that deserved, at the very least, a polite chuckle or a follow-up punchline.
All conversation stopped, smiles disappered and faces turned to stare at me visibily wondering who had given me permission to speak.
An Abercrombie, flip-flop wearing, unsmiling asshole replied, “Right, well, you have to boil a potato for it to mash.”
Exactly, because when I make feeble, poorly constructed jokes at an unfriendly asshole college party, I’m really aiming for accuracy.
I'm MC, a twenty-something 
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Sounds exactly like the first and last college party I ever went to. Ahh, state universities. Truly, the crowning glory of America’s educated.
By Anna on 01.25.07 2:00 pm | Permalink
Haha, I think the key to surviving those parties is to know at least one person there relatively well that won’t ditch you (and will laugh at your jokes). Beyond that, I would say take pepper spray and drive yourself so you can leave when you want.
For the record, I thought the potato bit was fairly amusing. Definitely not deserving of an asshole response.
By Jenn on 01.27.07 11:27 am | Permalink
College partys..sounds like so much….fun. lol Sorry it sucked. :/ I agree with Jenn. It helps to know atleast one person. And I liked the potato joke. No one ever thinks out jokes that much. They just need to get over themselves. assholes.
By Becca on 01.27.07 2:33 pm | Permalink
So this is how you spend your time. I’m loosing all respect for you.
By Croaker on 01.28.07 12:21 am | Permalink
Of course you have to boil a potato before you mash it! DUH!!!
I hate college students, ironic as I was one and all . . .
I would have laughed at your joke, I thought it was clever. I would have said that was neither funny or appropriate. Like ” I hope that potato kills a hobo.”
By Olivia on 02.02.07 5:52 pm | Permalink
For the record, I think your joke was fine. Also, you ought to have told the asshole, “I imagine that if you apply enough force the result is the same.”
I’ve yet to be exposed to parties like that, we don’t appear to have them at community colleges. I get kind of nervous at the prospect of being invited to one once I transfer. Mleeeeh.
By Vanessa on 02.02.07 10:30 pm | Permalink
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