For some astronomically stupid reason, I convinced my boyfriend that we watch Pirates of the Caribbean instead of Ocean’s 13 because the former would prove to be a more exciting movie-watching experience than staring at 3 hot guys for 2 hours (WRONG).

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End was a major disappointment when it came to the simple act of story telling. Plot twists dead-ended into exotic locations making it impossible to keep track of what curse, who it affected and why they were going where.

Characters either lost their charm or became unreliable in action and dialogue. Davy Jones, a formidable haunted villain, was reduced to a disappointing footnote by the effeminate Lord Beckett who inexplicably lost his marbles in one of the most captivating scenes of the film. Will Turner’s and Elizabeth Swan’s romance seemed doomed from the second film which placed so much emphasis on Jack Sparrow’s chemistry with Swan that it didn’t really matter if Turner or Swan ever married. In Dead Man’s Chest, Swan seemed to embrace the role of pirate-tess and it suited her perfectly.

In fact, the most infuriating aspect of the film was Swan’s character literally being ejected from the ship to her destination as Turner’s wife; her potential stunted by having to complete a silly romance that never should have been. It felt like Swan was in her true element when she was wearing pants, swash buckling with the enemy, shouting orders to the crew while perched on the hand rails of the ship or coyly flirting with her multiple admirers (Norrington, Turner and everyone else on the ship). Let’s face it, Swan is supposed to be a pirate and belongs on a ship of her own rather than waiting for Turner, like Odysseus’ Penelope, for ten long, boring years.

Most audiences and critics complained about the overuse of character gimmicks, like Sparrow’s hallucinations or Keith Richards’ appearance as Captain Teague, but it was lost character potential that made At World’s End a sub par adventure film.

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