I’m guilty of trying out certain products in stores if I can get away with it. I’ve been known to swipe a few gummi bears from the candy aisle at Target (I use the plastic shovel, THANKYOUVERYMUCH) or I’ll slather on a dab of lotion at the local CVS drugstore.

Recently, I’ve come to believe that all my unauthorized sampling has caught up to me in the cruelest karmatic fashions:

My boyfriend and I have this “thing” about going to CVS on a regular basis. Some couples have date night but we head off to the CVS for an hour or two to browse singing hamsters and air fresheners. As per usual, I’m grabbing items from the $.99 aisle and sniffing, dabbing and feeling at the ones that catch my attention when I noticed a small, key-chain sized breath spray bottle and without hesitating, spritzed twice into my mouth.

It tasted like battery acid. There was nothing minty or refreshing about it and I promptly began frothing at the mouth.

“God, this is horrible!” I said to my boyfriend, holding up the bottle to see which company had somehow skirted basic FDA regulations.

The label read: HAND SANITIZING SPRAY.

I had sprayed two generous amounts of HAND SANITIZER into my mouth. Let me tell you, I think I lost nearly 89% of feeling in my tongue but my mouth is now 99.9% germ free!