Dear Elwood,

Today you turn 1 year old. I’ve had you every since you were 15 weeks old and you’ve grown up to be a real, lovable asshole.

I’ll never forget when we first met. You kept your distance, sizing me up while your brother happily bounced around me, demanding I play with him. You’d recoil when I reached for you and you tucked your ears in close to your head. You looked more like a scared greyhound than the smart, inquisitive border collies I had read about.

After 20 minutes of my standing there, bargaining with your breeder, I sat down and you confidently crawled into my lap. I was in love immediately.

You hated car rides, peed everywhere, never licked or slobbered, hardly barked and you had no idea what to do with a frisbee. You were, by far, the strangest dog I had ever met.

At dog parks you were an embarrassment, cowering around chihuahuas with your tail tucked between your legs and snaking between mine for protection. You never left my side no matter how hard I tried to get you to socialize with other dogs or people.

Now that you’re older, you’ve developed a personality all your own. You run far and fast at the dog park until exhaustion. You have torn up rugs, underwear, part of an expensive kimono, sofas and a $15.00 so-called indestructible chew toy. Yet you obediently sit, stay, shake hands or lie down for treats (or love). You absolutely adore being petted, especially by a group of cooing, giggling children. You get in my way, step on my feet and often make me trip. You whine at 5:30 in the morning even when you don’t really have to pee. You’re ecstatic tail has knocked down many beloved housewares. You’ve eaten decorative seashells, poop, house plants and my personal favorite, a condom.

You’ve sat with me while I cried, napped with me, ran with me and have approved of a new man for me. I’ve never felt lonely with you around. You make me laugh and you make me angry but you’re the best canine friend a gal can have.

Happy Birthday, Elwood.

1. Sniff sniff, 2. Self Portrait

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