Focus, I have it.

MC • 4th Nov 2008 • The Daily Nonsense • bio, blogging, boyfriend, breakup, direction, fitness, food, heartbreak, hiatus, love, NaBloPoMo, photo, recovery, revamp, self discovery

I spent a lot of time on this blog trying to embrace a niche, or rather, finding a niche that would embrace me. I didn’t succeed. I felt like if I could find some focus, I would develop more of a direction in my life. I thought by now that I’d be blogging about graduate school, an engagement or maybe a move overseas – but none of those things happened and there’s a good reason, I didn’t want any of those things. At least, not right now.

But, I feel like I’ve finally come to terms with the fact that I’m OK with not knowing what I want to do with my life. I felt that icy fear of uncertainty: what is life like after college? Will he marry me? How much money will I make? Should I go back to school? And then I got really lazy, relying on the decisions of my then-boyfriend and constantly worried about how it would affect my life. I worried a lot about what would happen to me, but I never really did anything about it. I blogged half-heartedly, intermittently wanting to do more but unmotivated to start. So, after years of freaking out and being deeply dissatisfied, I’m now happy with where I am. It’s an intermission in my life where I am free to do as little or as much as I want, and I don’t want to waste a moment of it.

So, allow me to re-introduce myself:

My name is Mariacristina. I have a lot of nicknames – most people call me MC. People who love me call me Cristina and people who don’t really know who I am call me Maria. I have an English degree but I have zero desire to pursue higher education right now, despite the free tuition available and the familial guilt that plagues me every so often.

I work at a comfortable office job, I often take pictures in the nearby garden. I have a window in my office, so I can’t complain.

I ended a 6 year relationship about 6 months ago. It was pretty painful – the relationship and the breakup. It was an emotionally abusive and stifling experience. I made a shitload of mistakes but it was necessary – even if it left me a little bitter, a tad regretful but a whole lot smarter. Now I know exactly who I am, what I’m worth and what I deserve.

Now I’m in a new, inspiring relationship with a friend I’ve known for over a decade. It’s actually very romantic and hard for me to describe without getting super sentimental or cliché. He is absolutely charming, selfless, endearing, thoughtful and I am unconditionally devoted to him.

Throughout all these mini dramas, two things have remained constant – my passion for photography and cooking. From this, I decided that Shibooya should be a compilation of the things I love: food, photography and my renewed enthusiasm for fitness. But, the new Shibooya will reveal itself eventually and I’m looking forward to it.