Shibooya » book

As a child, I wanted to be a lot of things. That’s the beauty of childhood, the future is limitless and we’re encouraged to dream up any job we see ourselves doing for the rest of our lives. It wasn’t that we wanted to “work” as this or a do a “job” - we wanted to be movie stars and firemen and mermaids and dancers and astronauts.

I was convinced I’d be a paleontologist. I had piles of books on dinosaurs and small, plastic dinosaur toys with realistic looking scales and pointy claws (a real hazard, now that I think about it). I treated Jurassic Park as more of a documentary than a Hollywood film - I wanted to be Dr. Alan Grant, knee in the sand brushing away thousands of years worth of dirt to uncover the bones of a dinosaur, preferably a Tricerotops because those were my favorites.

After the dinosaur phase that I imagine most kids go through, I was determined to be a veternarian one day, fixing kittens and puppies - spending my days playing or napping with them. As a teenager, I was passionate about drawing and even worked with a comic artist for my high school senior project. At 18, I felt that I could make it as a writer maybe writing editorials or writing promotional pieces. Only a few years ago, I thought I’d work in public relations or publishing even while I knew both industries were tanking.

Now, at 25 years old, with an English degree under my belt, I have no idea what I want to be. I’m trying to think limitlessly and I’m trying to dream up a job but every idea seems bleak and impossbile. I thought about teaching abroad but don’t think I could commit to a long-term contract especially since I don’t believe in long-distance relationships (and I kind of want to keep this one) and I might just hate teaching children. I’ve thought about opening my own business, a craft boutique, but that went out the window about 2 recessions ago. Now I’m considering applying for culinary school, specifically for the pastry track but I’m not sure if I have the stamina or the dedication to stand for hours at a time working at bakery or a restaurant. And while I’m probably living in the best tourism state for that kind of industry, what if I just don’t like it?

So, now I’m at a standstill in my academic and personal career. I have no desire to return to school and even if I did, I don’t know what I want to study. Much like everyone else in the country, I’m struggling financially with a low-paying, albeit, stable job. I’m wading in manageable debt that’s suddenly becoming ridiculously and frustratingly unmanageable in this economy. I’m searching desperately for a passion that I can cling to, that will be my light at the end of the tunnel. And while, I’m content with my life, I’m lucky and happy and in love - I’m simply not satisfied. And I realize that’s a stunningly bratty thing to say.

To cope with my purgatory, I’ve been baking a lot of sugar cookies.

This is the first time I’ve had such a great success with homemade royal icing. The humidity in Florida makes it nearly impossible to get the right consistency, it almost always melts before I can transport it or even keep it on the counter and I hate refrigerated cookies. I didn’t spend too much decorating this batch but will probably whip up another batch this weekend. As you can see, I’m still working getting that perfect royal icing surface.