It took me 5 years to finish my B.A. in English, a degree that people find to be so useless that they’ll have no qualms about saying so. “Oh an English degree? So, basically you can’t do anything with that.”

I received a lot of gorgeous graduation cards which were all pretty uplifting and positive, save for the one which read “Congratulations on getting a useless diploma. Welcome to the world of getting paid less than what you’re worth.”

After finishing the last of my classes, I started collaborating with a fellow Rollins College graduate on a “Graduation Celebration” outing. We decided on reserving two tables at the very swanky Samba Room (an establishment that is irritatingly stubborn about their group seating policies).

Of course, a special occasion calls for a special outfit. This meant that I needed a samba dress and a samba dress I found. At Bloomingdale’s I bought a red Nicole Miller dress that is so sultry, so sexy, so…samba. Don’t be fooled by the malnutrioned model posing, or rather wilting, in front of a colorless sculpture. The dress is positively stunning when filled out in all the right places.

After my purchase, I faced another dilemma: Where in the world would I find matching samba shoes. I headed to Nordstrom and took two steps into the store before I saw a pair of Betsey Johnson shoes that nearly set my panties on fire. They are, for lack of a better word, divine.

You’re probably shocked that I can afford “designer” clothing but that’s where you’d be wrong. Because I so totally can’t. There’s a reason why my credit card always has a balance. It’s called stupidity.

I have completely dropped the blogging ball. But I have a very good excuse:

Last week, I finished my last class as an undergraduate in English. This weekend, I’ll spend 2 hours spacing out during predictable “Follow your Goals!” speeches and stand in front of hundreds of people in a funny, flat hat to receive a blank sheet of paper which I’m supposed to pretend is my diploma. Later, I’ll receive my actual diploma and feel no different than when I started Composition I in 2002 (You calculated correctly, it’s called the 5-Year Graduation Plan).

Actual content and design are forthcoming.