It’s nice to see Elijah Woods reviving his creepy role of Kevin in Everything is Illuminated. I wonder whose bright idea it was to use the same glasses in Sin City. Sure Everything is Illuminated sounds semi-interesting but the image of Wood’s torso being stripped apart by a dog is still fresh in my memory. I probably would have enjoyed the scene much more if he were the midget from Lord of the Rings. What was his name again? Bobo? Frobo? Ginormous-Gratingly-Annoying-Pussy?

Last night, I collaborated with my sister and a friend to make Aussie Chicken and classic poundcake. The main course was delicious but the poundcake didn’t fair so well. After making the mix and waiting nearly 2 hours for it to bake, I basically de-pounded the poundcake. I took it out of the oven and had every intention of waiting the recommended 10 minutes for the tasty treat to cool. Instead, I turned the cake pan over and shook it vigorously until 3 seperate, broken pieces of the cake came tumbling down on the countertop. Listen, in my defense, it still tasted good. It just wasn’t intact.

I went to Babies ‘R Us to finish some baby shower shopping. I felt odd among the gaggle of minature clothing and brightly colored diaper bags. Even with the paper registry in hand, I floated around as if lost in a foreign country. The store itself is a giant warehouse of googly, moogly things for tiny human beings that will shit and cry for about, well, the rest of their lives. The husbands, slowly lumbering after their wives and holding a plump, pink, gurgling spawn in each arm, turned to me with pleading eyes. All I could do was offer them brief sympathetic glances while deciding between two vaguely kinky nipple pumps. I was most surprised when I came upon an aisle specifically for “Preemies”. You know, I’m certain that Preemies don’t appreciate being called that. It’s derogatory and implies that they are incapable of growing up. I suggest something a little more sensitive like Inconveniently Tiny. Regardless, the shopping experiences left a lasting impression on me. I’ve decided; I don’t really want to push out another human being from my vagina. Ever. If I ever want a kid, I’ll be sure to buy one like Angelina Jolie’s.