I’ve always had poor digestion, tonsils prone to strep throat, chronic anemia, joint aches and occasional nutritional deficiencies. All old lady complications that I should be having in my 60s. It’s mostly hereditary - my family has long histories of diabetes, high blood pressure, poor circulation and digestive issues but it’s also because I don’t pay enough attention to myself. I’m lazy and invincible.

Still, I feel like I’ve been improving recently, especially when it comes to cooking balanced meals. But after seeing two different specialists yesterday, I was told I need to exercise, take proper vitamins regularly and drink enough water to keep me pissing like clockwork every 45 minutes.

Now I find myself, at 24 years old, swishing Metamucil into my beverages, lugging around a 2 liter jug of water and taking an organic multivitamin that turns my urine into a blinding, day-glo yellow.

So, this strange ritual of vitamin taking, hydrating and exercising, it’s something that I’m getting used to. Having a boyfriend who actually cares about my regularity? That’s just a blessing I’ll never get over. Speaking of regularity, he poops at a phenomenal speed and I asked if I could blog about it but he said no. But I kinda just did, oh well.

I really wish the manufacturers of candy canes would finally wrap their delicious treats in something less transparent so that I can stop injesting plastic by accident.