“What if your left nut contained the cure for cancer and I was dying, would you give it to me?”

“I don’t know, maybe I’d dip it in your eyeball or something-”

“Like teabagging? That won’t work.”

“Well-”

“HONEY, IF I WAS DYING OF CANCER, WOULD YOU GIVE ME YOUR LEFT NUT?”

“Alright, I’ll give you my fucking nut!”

This was then followed by an argument about how I should compose this blog entry.

I adore hummus. I live and breathe only to dip warm, freshly baked pita bread in smooth, creamy, delicious hummus. I am so confident in my favorite snack that if everything I ate turned to hummus, it still could not be enough.

Today I prepared myself a hummus lunch with warm, cut pita bread. Carefully, I created a small pool of Sabatino Black Truffle Olive Oil for dipping, an oil that is quite possibly the most delicious olive oil in existence. I decided to offer some to my boyfriend.

“Would you like to try this? It’s the olive oil that my sister brought from Europe. It’s so good.”

My boyfriend doesn’t just try it. He soaks the piece of pita bread in the oil like a sponge until every drop is gone and only a faint aroma lingers in the air.

“Oh my god, you ate it all!”

“No, I didn’t. There’s still some left.”

“I can’t believe you ate it all I said try and you ate it all.”

“I didn’t eat it all!”

“I can’t believe you ate it all. This is my lunch, you have your lunch over there. Don’t eat my lunch.”

“Are you being serious?”

Later, during a vicious match of Virtua Fighter 5 on my new Playstation 3, I thought I could enact my revenge by kicking my boyfriend’s ass but after 4 embarrassing losses I decided I would just have to settle with a cold, hard glare. My boyfriend samples my food in inappropriately large portions and he won’t let me win at games. Have you ever encountered a relationship so cruel?